Here’s a step-by-step guide on how to find a therapist

We’ve all been (or are currently in) a place where we know we should see a therapist, but the thought of even taking the step to find out how is too daunting. Without over-complicating things, I’ll walk us through what it might look like to find the right therapist.

Although there are many different websites and avenues to find an individual licensed professional, we should address what it may take to get us from “Yeah, I should probably see someone sometime” to “I called them yesterday and set up my first appointment.” If you are reading this and think you exist somewhere on the spectrum of commitment, the first step to take is to assess if you are in a crisis. Before you can move on to the step-by-step part, you need to make sure that you have immediate support if you need it.

If you have thoughts or intentions of harming yourself or others, this may be considered a crisis. Call or text the suicide hotline immediately: 9-8-8. If this feels like an emergency (you plan to hurt yourself or others), Contact 911. I realize this is a loaded statement. Not all emergencies call for contacting the police, and even those that come with more danger and concerns about race, gender or status. Your 911 dispatcher may have access to other types of crisis intervention specialists, so make sure to ask and be specific. For example, you could say “Do you have a mobile mental health crisis team you could send?”

These are immediate options for anyone who needs urgent help. You can call the suicide hotline at any time, but there are other hotlines dedicated to different situations. Feel free to contact the hotlines if you think it applies to you.

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline Call or text 9-8-8
Spanish, deaf and hard of hearing options available
Live chat available

National Sexual Assault Hotline Call 800.656.HOPE (4673)
Live chat available

Substance Abuse Hotline Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357)
Spanish options available

Domestic Violence Hotline Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) Or Text “Start” to 88788
Live chat available

Crisis text line Text “Home” to 741741
WhatsApp available
Live chat available

Report child abuse Call or text 800-422-4453
Live chat available

Follow the instructions the hotline gives you.

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Go to the step-by-step guide for how to find a therapist

1. Check your insurance / nail down a budget

If you have insurance

This can be the most confusing and draining step of the entire process, which is part of why many people (myself included) never make it through to having their first session.

If you have insurance, you’ll want to take a look at your card. It will have a number you can call to find out about your mental or behavioral health options. You could call and say something like, “I’m looking to start seeing a counselor in [insert city] But I would like to use my insurance. Can you help me find an in-network provider?” Alternatively, many insurance companies have accompanying apps where you can search for the type of care you want under your specific plan.

A second approach is to look for individual therapists (see step 3), find a few you like, and ask if they take your insurance. If they carry insurance, they will most likely have a website that lists which providers they work with. From there, you’ll need to contact your insurance to double check that your specific plan covers that specific therapist.

If you do not have insurance

If you don’t have insurance, you’ll want to find a budget. You can see therapists as often or as infrequently as you want (within reason), so it depends on your needs and financial circumstances. Usually people see a therapist once every 1-2 weeks, but it is certainly fine to have only one session a month. Some therapists have sliding scales, which means they can work with you to find a payment option that best suits both of your needs.

Additionally, you can search for free community resources. Often places like your local LGBT center can connect you with free mental health services. Even your job may have an employee assistance program, which typically gives you a set number of free sessions.

2. What am I struggling with? What is important to me?

While you and your therapist will ultimately work through a variety of topics or concerns, it is helpful to know the catalyst for beginning your journey to seek mental health counseling. Are you constantly sad? Can’t get out of bed in the morning? Crippling anxiety? Paralyzed? Being aware of what might be happening can help you in your search. Many therapists will list their specialties on their website. If there is something specific or big that you are concerned about, you can look for it on their page.

Similarly, an important thing to note is if they are LGBTQ+ and/or have expertise in working with this clientele. Therapists will also list their areas of interest and experience on their website (or, if they don’t, get curious about what it is) so you can filter them by what exactly you’re hoping to find. For example, if you’re trans and it’s important to you that your therapist deeply understands your journey, you might look for people who specifically list trans/non-binary identity and/or trans mental health on their website.

3. Search for names

Now that you know your limitations when it comes to insurance, finances, expertise and identity, you can start searching on Google.

This part can also be overwhelming, but there are quite a few websites and tools to help you navigate the search. The industry is Psychology Today, a database with nearly every therapist listed by location, insurance, and expertise. If you take this approach, keep a running record of names, phone numbers, and emails that pique your interest.

Additionally, there are many excellent hubs for therapists based on identities and populations.

HIV information, hotline and hotline
Alcoholics Anonymous
Latinx therapy
Therapy for queer people of color
Therapy for Black Girls
Therapy for black people
Asian Mental Health Collective
National Queer and Trans Therapists of Color Network
Melanin and mental health
Inclusive therapists

4. Send some emails! Call some people!

Now that you have a running list of therapists that you’ve collected across websites and databases, it’s time to reach out. This step can be scary, so find a way to support yourself during this time. You could have a friend hold you accountable, or even help you make the phone calls. Setting up an aftercare plan can also be beneficial. For example, “After I have contacted a certain number of people, I will go buy coffee and a pastry from my favorite store.” Please take care of yourself and reward yourself along the way.

It’s helpful to have a miniscript or email template of what you want to say to reduce your emotional and mental work. When you call or email, simply say you found their profile through [website] And would like to talk to them about starting counseling for the first time. If you have questions directly, you can ask them too.

5. Feel out the vibe

Once you start reaching out, therapists will often want to set up a consultation phone call or zoom in to see if you’re a good match. Sometimes this is purely to do with insurance coverage and other times it may be a matter of the therapist’s expertise or availability.

Getting a therapist is a two-way street, so you’ll immediately want to feel their vibe while reaching out to them. Every therapist will be a little different. Similar to getting to know other people, you’ll want to tune into how you feel when you talk to them. If the first therapist or session doesn’t match your needs, don’t give up! The first appointment for any therapist is an intake where you get to know each other; You will want to give it a few times.

After the first sessions you don’t feel it, that’s okay. You can fire your therapist! Not a big deal! You can go back to your list and start over.

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Every step of the “how to find a therapist” process can be stressful and draining, so a support buddy can really help, especially if you’re in that last step and you don’t know if the therapist you’re seeing is a good match. Trying to find the right person can be extremely taxing, give yourself some grace. Almost all licensed therapists will know how to do simple, brief counseling. If you feel really stressed and overwhelmed, share as much as you need with them and ask for what you need.

The trial is, well, a trial. I wish our healthcare system was set up so that we didn’t have to jump through hoops, worry about payment or insurance, or spend time figuring out what type of therapy works for you. When you are at a low point in your mental health, all of these steps are much harder. Just know that you are not alone in this journey. You will find the right therapist for you with some patience and perseverance. I wish you both these things as you continue your self-healing journey!